Sickipedia

A Pakistani friend of mine asked if I would like to wind her baby. I thought that would be a bit harsh so I just gave it a dead leg!

What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Helen Keller? Helen Keller grew up to lose her virginity.

A woman goes to a photo studio and asks the photographer, “Does this camera help people look younger?” The photographer says, “No, it just shows the truth faster.”

Paddy & Mick walking down the road, and Paddy's got a bag of doughnuts in his hand. Paddy says to Mick "If you can guess how many doughnuts are in my bag, You can have them both"

I applied for a job as a bin man the other day. I was a little worried i wouldn't fully understand but apparently you pick it up as you go along.

Jerry and Kate McCann went to see the Pope to ask if he could help find their daughter. The Pope said he'd love to help but the Catholic Clergy was more used to hunting down small boys.

Q. Who's the best Jewish cook? A. Hitler.

“They say time heals all wounds. So far, it’s just taught mine how to limp.”

I want to die peacefully in my sleep. Not screaming like the passengers in my car.

Why did the Indian student think he could groom UK teens? Because back home, "just a warning" means "bail in 2 hours and a Netflix special on how you're the real victim."