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A guy goes to the hardware store to buy some insecticide. He holds up a box and asks the store manager, “Is this stuff good for beetles?” The manager replies, “No, it’ll kill ’em.”

I just broke up with my girlfriend, and my dad's really helped me through the break up. He said, "Just forget about her son, she's shit in bed anyway."

A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "you won't believe what happened. I was taking a short cut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything." His friend replies, "That's great! Did you get a blow job?" "No, I never found her head!!!"

Anyway, a family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young sons' innocence, the mother turns around and says "Don't worry. That was an insect." To which one of the boys replies "I'm suprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

I had my dreams crushed yesterday. It turns out the newspaper headline "Village still looking for paedophile" wasn't a vacancy

Why did Elon paywall Grok's image generation after the deepfake backlash? Because nothing says "we're taking this seriously" like charging creeps £8 to digitally undress kids—now it's premium child exploitation, baby!

A young couple were driving home one night. As they came around a curve, they ran over a mother skunk. The woman saw a baby skunk crying on the side of the road and demanded her boyfriend stop. Taking the baby home, it started shivering. The woman said, "It's cold. What do I do?" The man replied, "Put it down between your legs and warm it up." The lady then asked, "What about the smell?" The man replied, "I guess it'll just hold it's little nose!"

Jeetesh begging: "I didn't do child abuse!" Officer: "This IS child abuse." Jeetesh: "But in India, we call it 'arranged chatting'—can I get a diplomatic immunity upgrade?"